of beer, smoke, and "good people"

a viewing of harry potter should not be a complicated experience.

seriously, it defies all logic that one should become entangled in matters of life and death, predestination, and the unjustness of a god who dispenses condemnation to some and salvation to others whilst watching a children's film. nevertheless, that's exactly what happened last night.

i've known nick and morgan for years - our friendship began in early highschool and continued through college. an unfortunate falling out occurred early last spring, primarily due to the lack of desire from both parties to take the initiative and pick up the phone, that was just recently patched up. i love these kids. for crying out loud, i was nick's best man at their wedding three summers ago. somehow, in our seven odd years of acquaintance, i failed to pick up on their sentiments regarding not only the church but christianity as a whole.

what a difference a [whole lot of] smoke makes.

five twenty-somethings on a balcony, beers in hand, talking about whatever the hell crosses their minds. it was great. and then the "unjust god" card was played. ruh-roh. morgan is a social worker working on her masters in sociology, nick a nursing student pursuing a career as a nurse anaesthetist. rick, nick's brother-in-law [aka the balcony's bulvarian midget and a complete crazy ass], and my sister, hannah,[bank-teller extraordinairre and self-proclaimed opinionated bitch] round out the group. we've all grown up in the church [with the exception of rick, who was raised by texas longhorn cattle] and have our gripes regarding its structure, goals, and environment. that's to be expected. beer #4 and smoke #way-too-friggin-many, morgan and hannah somehow steer the discussion away from the rigormoral of morgan's job and onto the topic of the western church's failures. they are many, i'll openly admit. we quickly move far beyond merely criticizing its faults and begin contesting God's power to judge mankind.

hold up.

where's this coming from, i ask. an anecdote about educated people being less likely to believe in God flies across the balcony, nearly causing my cigarette to fall into my lap. unbelievable due to your newly-gotten degree? unbelievable. i wanted to get to the source of this drastic change of heart.

what makes it so difficult for you to believe in God? the answer was anything but simple, but all facets pointed to a lack of desire to follow a God who would dole out eternal hellfire so readily. the blame was, at first, placed on our church's pastor who [unbeknownst to me] preached a few scathing "turn or burn" messages in the past year. hannah nodded eagerly at every pause, lapping up every drop of doubt and disbelief. i knew i had to do something to turn this around:: it's not that conversations such as this are necessarily dangerous, but i wasn't willing to let someone in a potentially vunerable position get indoctrinated with a load of unsubstantiated bullshit. my sister has struggled with doubt for the past couple years - a wrong step here could set her back even further. i know. i've been there.

we inevitably got to the question of a just God and an eternal hell. no matter how fervently i battle against human logic in matters like this, i always lose. it's a matter of faith:: if you don't believe that we, as humans, are inherently and irreversibly fucked up, you will never begin to understand [which is all we can do] both the goodness of God and the fuck-up-ed-ness of everything apart from Him. no dice. "i know plenty of good people,", morgan began. "hell, so do i.", i countered. "the fact is, i didn't kick my dog, rape and pillage, or kill a single person today. but what good have i really done?"

topic avoided. proceed to play the faux-trump "fair" card.

"why should i believe in a God who will send someone to hell just because they have never heard of Him? why should i worship that? i'm educated."

whoop-de-friggin-do. the truth is the truth, sister, even if you may not like it. besides, your husband and i possess collective iq's that could devour a small country - what the hell does that matter? it's just numbers. no test will ever effectively measure a person's affinity to spiritual matters or ability to think beyond themselves.

nick, hating conflict, remained quiet. hannah, related to me and, consequently, full of shit, decided to pipe up with a fabricated passage of scripture in which Christ ministered to those in hell during His time in the tomb. i draw the line whenever people play on the expression that "the bible is a living text" and assume they can mad-lib their own gospel whenever convenient.

end part 1. homer and some damned colonist or another demand that i read their junk.